You have a friend in the BestMan business!


If Men Were in Charge of Weddings.....
  1. There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" until the cops showed up.
  2. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.
  3. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.
  4. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.
  5. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
  6. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others" part.
  7. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped-up 73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
  8. Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.
  9. Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man".
  10. There would be "Tailgate Receptions."
  11. Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings.
  12. Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
  13. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. The cost of strippers and liquor really does add up.
  14. Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.
  15. Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.
  16. The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form-fitted in behind.
  17. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza, and plenty of bar-b-que.
  18. No one would bother with that veil routine. But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.
  19. The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral/wedding (what's the difference) or something.
  20. Invitations would read as follow:

Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain.
He's getting married.

He either:
A) Knocked her up,
B) Couldn't get a different roommate, or
C) Caved in to her ultimatum.
Please meet the woman who will cook
and clean for him
For the rest of his life at Soldier
Field Stadium
On the 50-Yard Line at Half-time
during Sunday's Game
Please join us at the Moonlight
Lounge after the game For Beer, Nachos and Pizza.
Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B.

 

 
  The Big Day
Drinkology
Party
Smokin'
Steppin' Out		  

Finance
Game On
Honeys
Jokes
Low End
Why?

In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a McDonald's hamburger recently. Here's David Letterman's explanation(s) ...

The Top Ten List of "McDonald's Excuses for the Condom in a Big Mac":

#10. We were test-marketing the new "McTrojan."

#9. Condom, condiment -- what's the damn difference?

#8. It still tastes better than the "Arch Deluxe."

#7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake.

#6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true.

#5. We're experimenting with a new, even happier "Happy Meal."

#4. So what-a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway.

#3. Employees too embarrassed to say, "Would you like condoms with that?"

#2 Drive-thru speaker broken -- "Coke with lots of ice" sounded like "prophylactic device."

And the #1 McDonald's Excuse for the Condom in a Big Mac:

#1. When you're "servicing" billions and billions, you can't be too careful.